Congressional Toilet, flexing your cheeks

... the story of E-85

We used to call them Yuppies.
Call them Greenies. As in the color of Satan.

My friend was pumping gas when he called me out of the cab of the truck by saying, “Can you come out here? I need your help on this.”

At first I though that maybe there was a leak and there was going to be a conflagration, or he suddenly got arthritis and couldn’t pull the handle, or maybe the leprechauns were talking to him again from the fill tube in gas tank.

Turns out it was one of those fancy gasoline dispensing stations that had the choice of unleaded low octane, unleaded high octane, E-15, and E-85.

He was sure that his truck was a Flex Fuel version so he wanted to know if he could put in a different grade of fuel since I’m the answerman to everything. Right off I knoticed that he had a YELLOW gas fill cap. By Law in the bylaws of the Ewe Ess, that can ONLY be on flex fuel vehickles.

But since my cars have been as old as I am, I didn’t know anything about this fancy shit, so I did what probably no car or truck owner in history has done: Pulled out his OWNER’S MANUAL pristinely packaged in the glove box.

And Low! and Hold Bees! There it was in the fuel section. Thou mayest if thou doth desire put any flammable elixir in thine chariot with minor caveats.

Butt are you ready for this shit? Right there, in print, beyond the warnings that using E85 below freezing can lead to longer start times and rough idling until the engina warms up, was this:

FUELS WITH ETHANOL HAVE

LESS ENERGY PER GALLON

therefore you may see approximately a 30% reduction in distance per tankful.

I explained that whenever I see certain numbers I always assume that APPROXIMATELY 30% is 33.3% which is one-turd, whereas two-turds is 66.6% a number that many people can identify with only when it pointed out to them because the people who TRICKED you into the Green (color of Satan) fuel did the numbers, know the calculations, and have OCCULTED (to cover up) their telltale signing-to-the-adepts that they have embedded their secret Masonic number inscription in their stonework.

And you’d have to be stoned to buy E-85 AT ANY COST.

There’s the ramitupyourassandbreakitoff beauty of it:

Some yuppy asshole with a flex fuel vehickle wants to flex their ass-cheeks by putting in the GREEN FUEL TO SAVE THE PLANET that - JUST LIKE THE CONGRESSIONAL TOILETS (bet you wondered when I’d get to that) or a CONGRESSIONAL DRYER

USES MORE FUEL, WATER, AND HEAT

THAN A CONVENTIONAL DEVICE THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE LEFT THE FUCK ALONE!

You know what I mean: The Sanhedrin made laws about making toilets use less water. We all know how that turned out:

In 1992, Congress passed legislation requiring that all toilets sold in the United States meet a new water conservation standard of 1.6 gallons per flush (gpf).

By 1994 people were flushing two to three times just to get the shit down.

NOT TO WORRY! The industry will come to your rescue, they will put in some kind of electric pump/blower that will force the water through so that when your power goes out you still can’t get the shit down the shitter hole.

The PURPOSE of legislators is to MAKE LAW.

There is no end to that madness.

There was never any need for anything but Common Law: Do not injure anyone or their property. Everything beyond that is Talmudic anal micromanagement to justify their existence. Which is pretty pathetic when you consider that the yahoodim are expected to study the LAW EVERY SINGLE DAY TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY DON’T BREAK ONE THAT THEY DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT!

No one can grow up sane under those conditions.

It is reported that when a man enters a bathroom he is supposed to bow to the Spirit Of The Room and in deference to this ethereal voyeur he must pull both his outer and underpants down in one smooth motion while sitting so as not to expose his hind parts and offend the spirit.

One of my favorite Stephen King words is: Shitzofuckingphrenia.

So, it follows that when a Rayce, Kult Sure, Eth No City that is that repressed is given the reins of law-giving that their anal-micromanagement can know no end (so as not to imply the bare bottom of things - although there are anal cameras in public restrooms that can identify you as accurately as a retinal scan).

I mean: Fuck Me Running. This world is too fucking weird to even be here. Should have been a warning bouy in space to keep everyone away from this assylum.

Butt to continue: And the Energy Star Dryers where they have a un-bypassable COOL DOWN phase where you have to run what would have been a 60 minute cycle like you did in the 1980s with NO FUCKING PROBLEM, as two 70 minute sessions on the new piece of shit just to get your laundry dry.

And then there’s the gas cans that are SO SAFE that I can’t even get gas out of the fucking Congressionally-mandated clusterfucks. I guess that is safe. If no gas is ever used it can’t be a problem.

The point being that there is NO PRICE POINT for E-15 (cheaper sometimes than unleaded low octane) or E-85 at which chosing or using either would not be LOSING. Because the LOSS IN POWER AND FUEL ECONOMY MAKES YOU PAY AT LEAST A THIRD OR MORE AS YOU WOULD IF THEY JUST LEFT IT THE FUCK ALONE.

Taking Lead out of gasoline was necessary, as it was explained to me by the fellow from the Pentagon because the lead that was in the air and on everything had a habit of making people ANGRY. The one thing that a cowering anal-micromanaging power structure cannot have is a bunch of angry herd animals stamping around. So they took it out. There was never any NEED for higher octane anyway because internal combustion engines are capable of getting ONE-HUNDRED GODDAMNEDFUCKINGMILES OUT OF A GALLON OF GAS, BUT WITH THESE COMPUTERIZED PIECES OF SHIT, THEY MAKE IT SO THAT IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. ALL so that they can sell their agenda to remove the autonomy of driving anyfuckingwhere you want on a tank of gas by being enslaved to a charging station with the Lithium Drug Imp Row Vized X-plow Seive Devices called EV’s.

I guess E-anything is just a fucking danger.

E-85, EV, Email, E-cigarettes, Etc….