Cassette... tape... what?

This is, of course, under the Section of Flat Dearth because even NASA says that the entire Universe is flat…

https://wmap.gsfc.nasa.gov/universe/uni_shape.html?fbclid=IwAR3O5gAcNBZVepKJsJ06kbNfnseFHwQ9T2nr15TihYeMpSSN-LHC6YBby5s

BUTT…

I was very tempted to put it under Bullshit Sniffing Class.

0:21 This spacecraft didn't just survive all these years it still sends data back to Earth regularly that might sound normal but it's doing this

using technology older than a cassette player

which makes it even more impressive voyager 1 was launched in 1977 during a time when computer power was incredibly limited.

DAMNED IMPRESSIVE.

Any of y’all old enough to remember casette players? Here on EARTH! where the machine would EAT THEM - you’d have to fish the tape out of the capstans - unravel it - pull it tight - rewind it with a PENCIL - and hope to Disney that you didn’t have to spend another whopping couple of bucks on a new copy of your favorite band? Don’t mind the Wow and Flutter, that’s just the permanent crease in the kinked tape…

Of course there’s no CREW on the spacecrap, so no pencils and nothing to correct an eaten tape on a … what?

48 year ride?

Sometimes I was lucky to get 4 months and 8 days out of a cassette tape before it started squeaking like my bike chain with no grease.

Butt not to worry.

Where do you think your LITHIUM GREASE came from for your expensive bike chain?
NASA.
So maybe they lubed up those drive spokes and rollers and that’s why a CASSETTE FUCKING TAPE could last FORTY-EIGHT FUCKING YEARS in the near ASBSOLUTE ZERO OF ‘SPACE’, NOT GET DEGRADED BY UNSTOPPABLE COSMIC RADIATION, AND

NOT GET ERASED WHEN IT PASSED THE MASSIVE MAGNETIC FLUX OF JU-PITTER AND SAT-TURN !

You know: I’ve never thought of that until today.

Sure, I knew that it’s claimed that they can’t send computers with semiconductor traces smaller than a 486 processor (anyone remember those? - uh… anyone even KNOW what those were?) because COSMIC RAYS were like meteorites that could blast through the circuit lines with nothing left to keep the chip running…

but I never con cidered that the insane EMF that creates a body-cremating potential between just Jove and his moons shoulda/coulda/woulda WIPED OUT ANY ELECTROMAGNETIC DEVICE just on the periphery of the Flux.

Witches to say you would be fucked by the flux.

Flux Fucks.

I’m sure that a Helioglobin will have a ready-explanation as to why that couldn’t or didn’t happen that was provided to them by Family either as something The Cunt Trollers anticipated; or, in this age of Cheat Bots, it will pull something out of its digital Uranus to supply an excuse for how SOMETHING THAT CANNOT BE SHEILDED AGAINST could NOT affect the function and LONGEVITY of magnetic tape that had a helluva time surviving just hear on Ea-rth.

Just in case you didn’t know: you can’t ‘sheild’ against a magnetic field.
You can bend it around you with other magnets but that damned persistant Action At A Distance can’t be stopped by a Faraday Cage or grounded Steel Plate.

I just thought of ANOTHER THING: The Voyager PRE-CASSETTE recorder had to OVERWRITE the previous data once it was ‘sent’ back to the Disney team. After FORTY-EIGHT FUCKING YEARS THE CROSSTALK AND NOISE ON THE TAPE WOULD RENDER IT USELESS EVEN IF IT DIDN’T GET AN EMP FROM A SULFUR VOLCANO FART WHEN PASSING IO.

Io.

Io, a name used for the largest moon of Jupiter, was in classic myth raped by Zeus and escaped from him by changing herself into a cow.

This is what I love about the Infallable Internet. Supposedly the raypee changed herself into a bovine in this rendition… wile another version:

Io was a mortal woman who was transformed into a heifer by Zeus.

I.O. Input Output. CHECKSUM ERROR! NONE of this shit matches. Not the legends; not the shit that was named after the legends; and not the legends ABOUT the shit that was named after the legends.

Damn.
I think I have space-sickness… hand me that bag…

never mind… the chunks in zero g should accrete to themselves by their own internal gravity just like how they said that solar system formed.

Butt, back to your lithium grease. I’ve spent a tiny bit of time in NASA’s Materials Science pages. They claim that the grease will get a bit clotted after a while in the cold of space. Plastics and other materials will break down in unfiltered UV. AMAZINGLY micrometeorites might mildly sandblast the surface of Near Earth Orbit satellites but MIRACULOUSLY the chunks of spacerock never penentrate the skins while moving at:

Micrometeorites are tiny specks from outer space, part of an estimated 60 tons of cosmic dust that falls to Earth every day. In space,

they fly at speeds as fast as 72 kilometers per second (or 160,000 miles per hour).

In order to BELIEVE that a SINGLE grain of dust hasn’t broughten down a SINGLE spacecrap EVER even when (was it Cassini?) they went through the ‘GAPS’ in the Rings of Saturn… it would be a miracle (to believe). Making it a Religious Experience. I feel a TINGLING! no… that was the pufferfish sandwich that I just had at the Japanese restaurant…

==========================================================

I absolutely REFUSE to lower myself to making a joke about this!

2:17 Voyager 2 made history by becoming the only spacecraft to visit Uranus in 1986.

That’s not what I heard. Space aliens have been probing Uranus every time they come to Earth…

Ba Dump Bump!

You really didn’t think I would pass that one up out of decorum - did you?

2:47 Needing to travel 10 times farther than Earth is from Mercury they had to pass through the asteroid belt something only Pioneer 10 and 11 had done before

Iddn’t Disney Animation and Story Telling amazing! “We” (whothefuckisWe?) went through the hemorrhoid belt without even so much as micrometeorites sanding pieces of aluminum foil with TV dishes and solar panels into o-fucking-blivion at 160,000 em pee ache!

HOW EXCITING!

All Praise, Saint Weiner Von Brown!

yet the technology on board was very basic each spacecraft had just 69 kilob of memory that's far less than what a basic calculator has today.

Calcufuckingulator?
What about a Con Puter? I’ve heard that Windows 11 is even worse than Windows 10. It takes tens to hundreds of megabytes just for Gates-O-Rama to get snapshots of what you do every second in case you prove to be a threat to the State, yet what they are claiming to be a still-limping piece of Mad Max Hardware In Space has software that is less powerful than a Commodore 64….

BACK TO WHY I EVEN BOTHERED TO MOCK THIS NONSENSE:

3:09 The probes had to make critical decisions on their own guided by very limited computer power

they stored data on tape recorders

Yeah…
Fuck…
Shit…
That’s a string of 4-letter words. The opening of the video showed the image of a CASETTE TAPE but said that the era was pre-cassette tape technology. Given that the millie tarry is 5-50 years in advance of what is released into the public, I would imagine that Voyager 1 and 2 and V-ger (Star Trek, The Movie), and NCC Voyager with Cap’n Janeway kickin’ alien ass and not bothering to take names… ALL had cassette tapes fitted into them BEFORE the Maxell advertisement was ever a glint in Saul Hebstein’s eye.

Personally, I prefered Denon (ANOTHER Japanese reference) Chromium dioxide in the black cases to any other manufacturer. They were solid, reliable, but would STILL GET EATEN LIKE A PUFFERFISH SANDWICH.
Say? anyone know the antidote to pufferfish toxin?

and sent it back to Earth using a transmitter with just 23 watts of power about as strong as a light bulb.

Blah, blah, blah whatever. Challenge, Oprah Nudity, Moving Forward. “WE” use a phased array of radio telescopes spread all over the plane-it to capture station WVSC (Voyager Space Crap) broadcasting at 23 Watts of raw power 24 hours a day for 48 years or whatever your day length and local time happens to be on Your Plane-It!

I stayed for the cassette tape, but here is what they drug out for the click-bait:

3:55 They even helped us learn more about the mysterious Ort cloud which is full of icy comet-like objects far beyond Pluto still held by the sun's gravity

• So, micrometeorites moving at 160,000 mph…

• ASTEROIDS clustered worse than cars in a roundabout in Mexico City…

• Now: the Ort cloud that should have taken either of these spacecraps out like jet-skiing during a permanent hailstorm with chunks the size of Orcas coming from all vectors…

as Voyager moved forward [Moving Forward, New World Order Neural Linguistic Mind Control TRIGGER WORD] it crossed the Heliopause which marks the end of the sun's magnetic influence and the beginning of interstellar space. Scientists expected a big change at this boundary more cosmic rays stronger magnetic fields but they were surprised when those changes didn't happen.

This kind of admission is like when some asshat on the internet claims that the Economy will fail within 3 days but never apologizes when it doesn’t three weeks later… but then will make another claim that the space-lemmings will fall into an Event Horizon over that STILL doesn’t happen…

Instead the magnetic field stayed the same, confusing researchers who thought the transition would be dramatic.

Confused Researcher is an oxymoron.
Or… just a PLAIN MORON.

This surprise came when Voyager 1 crossed the heliopause on August 25th 2012. It detected an increase in plasma density

Frankly I think that was just the tetradotoxin from the pufferfishsticks.
There was an INCREASE IN SOMEONE’S DENSITY… though.

confirming it had entered interstellar space

Can they just stop pulling our peepees like garden hoses on retractable reels?
If the motherfucker PREDICTED that something would happen as the Helio Paused BUT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN, then how in the fuck can they CONFIRM interstellar space?

but the expected shift in the magnetic field direction was missing this led scientists to rethink what they knew about the heliosphere the magnetic bubble protecting our solar system. The Voyagers have rewritten space science showing that what we thought we knew

What’s this “WE” Shit, whiteman?

Rewritten Space Science?
A gaggle of Family playing with their own gardenhose reels INVENTED what they THOUGHT might happen if they HYPOTHETICALLY left the influence of their Sun God, then after a Disney Animation, they INVENT NEW DATA to show that they don’t know what they didn’t know.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE FUCKING IRREFUTABLE

FACTS

BEFORE YOU CAN REWRITE THEM, BUT THEN THEY COULDN’T BE REFUTABLE IF THEY WERE IRREFUTABLE TO BEGIN WITH.

Surely the dizzy has to be from the pufferfish - unless it’s the saki…

might only be part of the story their journey [NEW WORLD ORDER TRIGGER WORD ALERT: Jeerrrrrneeee] has given us new ways to look at the cosmos and ourselves.

These fucking jerkoffs always have to tie the macrocosm of the Solar System to each individual NPC as if discovering that you didn’t know Jack Fucking Shit (that is his real middle name, buy the whey) about the universe coincides with not knowing Jack Fucking Shit about yourself.

Wait! They actually got THAT part right!

these spacecraft prove that with ingenuity

He meant to say: In Green Screen Animation.

and perseverance

Might have been autocorrect for TRILLION$ OF TAX DOLL EAR$.

we can

WHERE IS THIS FUCKING: “WE” ? I want to kick “WE’s” ass !

reach places no one thought possible.

Like Uranus that was reach in 1986…

They remind us that space exploration is just beginning.

Goddamn! NASA is Buddhist! The Beginner’s Mind. If at first you don’t suck seed at getting it right, fall asleep again while staring at the lint in your belly button and make up something else NEW, claiming that the universe revealed it to you while you were snoring after a nice pufferfish sandwich and saki to wash it down.

Every bit of data they send back

After 48 fucking years? Get cereal. They’re making this shit up like science papers submitted to Science Magazine after it’s been discovered that someone invented this shit while they were on the toilet. (that sounds gross. True. but gross).

may unlock secrets we haven't even imagined yet.

We just crossed the realm of Herd Management and the use of NLP control words to the realm of The Secret.

The MYSTERIES religion is the religion of The Secret. That is what Mysteries means. So a Secret Society is not something that you never knew existed because if you know it exists then it’s not a secret anymore. It is a Society OF THE Secret.

Here’s the secret: “Secrets “WE” haven’t IMAGINED YET.”

Fuck that goddamned data that ALWAYS fucks with “our” predictions! FIRST they IMAGINE what it might be, THEN they send a probe to Uranus (I am juvenile, but you have to admit that THEY started it!) only to find that they were wrong about Your Anus so they have to rethink the HOLE thing…

They are a legacy of human curiosity still flying through the unknown.

STILL flying through the UNKNOWN?
Seems to me that after 48-fucking years you should know SOMETHING!

I’ve said it before, I will say it until someone gets it:
I used to be fascinated by archeology and astronomy and followed both closely. You have to take 12 years of course work to become an Ass tron oh mere and most of it is MATH. I’m allergic to math. I also don’t like digging in the dirt with a dental pick.

So, after I abandoned those Disney Fascinations, I found that in my life the only thing that matters is a plot of land, growing your own food, going to bed tired so you don’t care what your fucking neighbor is doing let alone what blue hexagram aliens are doing half a whirled away. The only math I ever needed was counting out the spacing of the rows with my feet.

But the aliens are terraforming this world into a toxic waste dump so I can no longer grow my own food. What I considered my life has been reduced to no ‘hope’ for the future and no legacy to leave behind. What was happening in the sky at night changed NOTHING I did during the day. KNOWING what is happening in the sky has not, is not, and WILL NOT change anything that I ever will do. So basically, I don’t give a fuck even if Space really did exist.

The truth on the ground is that we are surrounded by rapacious mind-infecting aliens that IF there were other planets then it is clear that they fucked up this one, so the pattern would be to go to ANOTHER ONE to FUCK THAT ONE UP TOO!

-So, technology is a danger.
-Math that leads to technology is a danger.
-Jerking off in your mind or in public about how far the magnetic pull of the light in the sky might be is a danger.
Because:

YOU DON’T WANT THESE FUCKING ANTI-LIFEFORMS GETTING OFF THIS QUARENTINED SHITROCK.

All I ever wanted to do was garden.
Now it’s time for planet-wide Pest Control.

cue music: