I've said repeatedly that Vaccine Fraud would be nothing if it didn't give practice advice for everyday living things beyond the Chicken Little Nuggets that we're all doomed and the Dome is falling.
I am not a lawn tractor specialist - I can't give lawn tractor advice.
I am not a tire repair specialist - I can't give tire repair advice.
I am not an economist - I cannot give financial advice.
Butt, if you are cheep like me and want to save a few bucks by doing something yourself I have some life-saving tips on how to repair your mower tire that just happened to get that LONG specialty thumbtack that has a point one inch long embedded squarely in your tire when the last time that you have seen such a tack is when you used them to put up posters in your garage 30 years ago.
There are things within the SIM called The Funny Farm that you just don't question. You merely sigh, drop your shoulders, put "Repair Tire" on you list of things to do then ignore it for as long as humanly possible until you HAVE to mow the lawn. Because, after 50 years on the farm you know it is going to be a shitshow no matter what you do and so delaying gratification of crossing this annoying event THAT SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED off of your list is essential for your mental well-being. [Until we pull the plug on this scripted SIM. I mean: how the FUCK could a piece of metal that had never been even fiddled with in 30 years find its way into your front tire?]
Make sure that you put your machine in park. Jack up whatever quadrant you need to access. Chock the tires if you feel uneasy about it possibly moving. Remove the tire per owners manual.
Ah.... If you're like 99% of Americans (even if Your A Peein') then the owners manual is something that was rolled up for starter material in your wood burner. Can't help you there. You'll figure it out.
Once the tire is off then you will need to insure that any air in the tire (if tubeless) or tube (if toobed) won't impede the next step. Take out the valve stem to insure that the air can get out and put in a safe, clean place if you think it is still good. Break the adhesion of the bead on the tire with a flat breaker bar or stout screwdriver. Make sure both sides are loose.
You only need to take the tire off of the rim that has the opening for the fill valve.
This is critical: You MUST have a normal long flat head screw driver and a BIG FUCKING SCREWDRIVER. Now, on the farm since 1973 I had been under the impression that Big Fucking was actually a brand name. Especially among farmers who are metal workers you are always required by the nature of the Nature of metal working to need a Big Fucking Hammer. "Get me the BFH!" the big fat farmer would yell in the middle of a weld job that wasn't going quite according to plan. It's good that a welding torch can double as a cutting torch.
But I die grass.
The easy part is getting the BFS worked behind the rim of the wheel and behind the bead of the tire and then prying it up over the rim. The hard part is getting your flat breaker bar in there to insure that it doesn't flip back behind the rim when you work in a stepwise manner to convince the tire to continue to flip up over the rim by leaving your flat bar and moving your BFS and sliding your smaller but large screwdriver where the BFS once was to take its place and then grabbing another section of tire to do the flippy-flippy. Yes, this is the poorman's caveman way of doing things and Yes, you can destroy the bead on a tubeless tire this way, which is why we put tubes in tires anyway. So... think of the money you're saving, the sweat that you will expend (cheeper than a health club) the creative language skills you will cultivate when it all goes wrong, and the satisfaction you will feel having saved a couple bucks and wasted your entire afternoon being thrifty!
Did I say to wear safety equipment?
Uh... yeah. FACE SHEILD ***NOT*** just a pair of goggles. And gloves of some kind because... well... you'll find out if you don't....
The thing that prompted me to write this little glimpse into my particular Zipcode in Hell was that when I finally got the tire lip off one side of the rim, and the previous inner tube out, I was feeling the inside of the wheel and was SHOCKED BY what seemed like a porcupine family inside. Turns out that the whees are made from two pieces of shaped steel that are center welded together. Now, in America there is the myth that in order for you The Consumer to be the recipient of affordable commercial goods things have to be done fast and damn the quality. So those sharp bumps were weld spatters. I could just imagine years of bumping up and down acres and acres wearing on the innertube with high, rough, beads of metal on the surface of the metal that the tube is pressing against. The wheel makers probably have a kickback agreement with the tube makers to do half-assed work so that you will end up needed tubes on a more frequent basis.
Here on the farm, I endeavor to do things full-assed so I got out Ye Olde Dremel Tool with a metal grinding wheel on it and sparked those insults to my integrity and sensibility. I'm sure the other wheels are fucked too, but we have a phrase on the pharm: "Run it till it breaks."
I'll wait until the other tire finds yet another piece of metal that was scripted into the next level of video game play.
For the putting back onnen zee you will want some lubrication. Pure dish soap works well. If you feel like this is going to be a collossal shitshow then perhaps some Jack Daniels or other anesthetic might serve as lubrication as well.
YOU MUST WEAR A FACE SHIELD WHEN YOU TAKE OFF BUT ESPECIALLY PUT ON A TIRE!
An errant screwdriver can hit you square in the forhead like an arrow from a compound bow.
Don't ask me how I know.
It helps if you have some weight. Because you are going to get the lip of the tire kindof started under the rim of wheel and then stand on either side of the rubber. Not where it meets the road. This also requires balance. If you are Skinny, Smart and Angry instead of Fat, Dumb and Happy then you will probably utter enough curses to have the local exorcist visit to see if everything is OK. Once he sees that you are trying to put a tire back on he will probably nod knowingly and then leave.
DO NOT LET HIM LEAVE! If he is FAT (what preists have you met that weren't fat?) then MAKE HIM stand on the sides of the tire while you do the next bit.
Holding your pair of screwdrivers describe above, so that they are at the ready, you get the lip of the tire (preferably near the valve nipple) started, stand on the edges of the tire, the strategy is to put the smaller screw driver close to where the tire bead crosses over the top of the wheel rim and put the BFS an inch away so that when you raise the BFS that you can squeak up the smaller one and work the bead of the tire over in increments little by little until you have come full semicircle. This takes patience, more than 100 pounds of body weight, probably your entire vocabulary of bad language, and every ounce of calories that you had for breakfast.
Of course if you were rich and smart you would simply take it to a shop with a tire machine and let them do it to save about 3 hours of work (It's about a one hour job at best but on the farm it always takes 3 times as long) and the risk of solid metal rod embedded in your crainium, but we don't do anything like them city-slickers here in the land of Hay Seed.
Did I mention that since you don't want to have to pull out the valve stem, flatten the innertube, TAKE THE TIRE LIP OFF ***AGAIN*** TO PUT IT ***BACK*** ON AGAIN.... THAT IT IS BEST TO PUT A SMALL VISE GRIP PLIERS ON THE VALVE NIPPLE TO KEEP IT FROM SLIPPING INTO THE RIM WHEN YOU ATTEMPT TO FILL THE TUBE?
Mebbe I should have said that first. It reminds me of my college chemistry lab experiment book written by two professors:
"Put the sodium hydroxide in the acid - BUT BEFORE YOU DO THAT - SO IT DOESN'T EXPLODE...."
True story. No one died.
So, I write this as an offering to save you time money and mortality and as a way of exorcising my SIM demons that thought I needed the emotional release of putting yet another thing on my list of chores then crossing it out like stabbing pins in a voodoo doll. Catharsis means to puke. I feel a sense of catharsis having accomplished this. Now I have to mow, but I didn't even have that written on my list of things to do!
I'll put it on the list so that I have the satisfaction of crossing it off.
Cheerios.
My father always considered jobs like this to be under the Law of Sod.
I always think of this reality like waking up everyday in one of those carnival shooting galleries where you sit and watch for crap to pop up that you really have to shoot or else........And there is usually some kind of more compounding Hell if you miss the shot. Rarely is there a teddy bear..........