NARCHON

Our Little Red Hen: Our Lady of Sardinia struck the match, then our Dictionary Extraordinaire Wörterbuch fanned the flames. We've done a few 'controlled-burns' out here on the prairie in the pharm phields. I can tell you that the controlled part is an oxymoron.

Artermix Liked by Patrick Jordan

It is the christian sin narrative....it is always our fault. Never the creator.

Patrick Jordan Author

The Cree Ate Her has some Product Liability claims to deal with.

Anything that is all knowing should have known it's 'creation' was going to fuckup so it should have NOT created it in the first place or...

Anything that is all powerful should have just erased the fuckup before it got this far, or simply waved the magick wand and made it all better or...

Anything that is all present should have realized that what it created was an extension of itself and so the god-thing is seriously flawed so it should have gone into counselling for being a fuckup before it fucked around to find out.

wörterbuch Liked by Patrick Jordan

Fine comment...hell yes

The problem is, you shouldn't encourage him (speaking of myself in the Third Person - never a good sign). It's like a child, "Mommy! I made a big poopy!" "Oh, that's so nice. I'm so proud of you!" Then, next thing you know, there's a historically-accurate reproduction of Fort Sumter made out of Lincoln Logs on your bathroom floor.

Well... in my case people say that I have verbal diarrhea so that's a magnitude bigger terrifying thought...

Once an idea like God in Therapy gets seeded in my mind then the shit just comes out pre-formed, and I can't hold it back - ok... need better word-choice.

How'd we go from the Philosophy of God to bathroom humor?

I have no idea. I'm sure that I had a point it's just totally lost on me.

OH! So it's a combination of Art (artermix) and Words (Vurterbook) that got us here. So...

BLAME THEM!

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NARCHON Hotline for Narcissitic Deities, may I help you?

Yeah, my wife told me I needed to call.

Is the little lady around?

She's not so little. I'll see if she's here. ASH ! ASHERAH! get your ass over here I've got the Narcs on the line. Nope, she's not answering. My nickname for her is Ash Hole. She's so unreliable. Probably hanging out in the Grove.

That seems a bit rude for your wife?

It's just a joke. Why can't anyone take a joke?

Did you want the hotline for Narcissists? or were you wanting couples’ counselling?

We're fine. She knows who the Boss is.

I see. I've pulled up your account that you filled out online, that's very helpful...

Yeah, I created the internet and the A.I.

You have yourself listed as God, and quite a number of aliases, including The Most High.

Yeah. I like that one alot.

In the pantheon of gods, do you feel that you are taking it a bit into the range of Narcissism by labeling yourself The Most High?

What are you saying? You're not one of those that worships those other 2-bit wannabe gods are you?

No, sir, I mean: Sire, I mean God... as NARCHON imp ploy ease we are not allowed to align ourselves with dieties.

Really? We'll I've got a special place for you and the rest of your Imps when your employment's done...

God? Can I call you: God?

I prefer Lord Master of the Universe.

OK, LMOTU, do you often use veiled threats?

What veiled threat? I've got a special place for people who don't worship me and only me...

Could this be the reason that your wife told you to ---

Asked. ASKED me to call. It was more of a plead. You don't tell GOD what to do!

I'm sure. Sorry about the language faux pas.

Don't say things like that. I HATE FRENCH! Say it what it is: You fucked up.

Indeed.

No... I mean: SAY IT!

Oh, yes, Lord. I fucked up.

Good.

Is there anything specific that you and your wife want to go over?

Well, if the bitch was here, she'd say that I was Jealous.

Ok... but I see here in the novel that you wrote -

Book.

Excuse me?

Book. THE BOOK. That's what The Bible means.

OK, I'm seeing the theme that you have to be the center of everything.

Well - I AM!

I see that is one of your aliases as well.

I WROTE The Book.

I don't see any attribution of authorship to you or your aliases. There's a large number of people who seem to be the authors, but some confusion: like the 5 books of Moses. OF Moses - not: BY Moses.

Divine Inspiration.

What's that?

I told them what to write.

The other pattern developing is that you like to tell people what to do.

Of course I do! I'm GOD, dammit!

We'll have to come back to that. I would like to keep on track with why your wife sent - asked you to call here. The Jealousy.

It says here in Your Book:

Exodus 20:5

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

That's a bit harsh, don't you think? Punishing children for what their fathers did?

Are you judging me?

No...NO! It's against our policy to make value judgments with our clients. I was just asking the question to get your input.

They hated me first.

Narcissists often shift the blame to those that they want to control.

They hated me first. I'm the VICTIM here - can't you see that?

I'm just trying to get your side of the situation.

Right.

and then there's:

Deuteronomy 6:15

(For the LORD thy God is a jealous God among you) lest the anger of the LORD thy God be kindled against thee, and destroy thee from off the face of the earth.

That feels like a Control-ALT-Delete kinda-thing.

Yeah... so? Who's gonna stop me?

Good point. Keepin' it real, God.

Damned Straight.

Also, our search revealed:

Exodus 34:11-14

Observe what I command you this day. I will drive out before you the Amorites, Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. Be careful not to make a treaty with the inhabitants of the land you are entering, lest they become a snare in your midst. Rather, you must tear down their altars, smash their sacred stones, and chop down their Asherah poles. For you must not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.

OK... that says a lot... that explains why Palestine was turned into a parking lot...

What was that?

Nothing. I was just going through the list of your accomplishments. I see that you seem to be in competition with your wife Asherah.

No competition. It's like Jackie Gleason - I created him too - “I'm the King and She-Ra's nothing. Get it: King --- Nothing!”

[Alice would reply: So, you're the King of Nothing...]

What's that? Speak up. We have a bad connection.

Sorry, I was just sorting through your extensive lists of Aliases. I missed the part where you put your name was indeed Jealous! That's a good thing!

Of couse it's good. I'm good.

No, I mean that it's a good thing that we have a reference for why your wife sen--- asked you to call here. You had opened the conversation with your main complaint being that your wife says that you are Jealous. But right here in your own novel --

Book.

Book, and in the form you filled out online, one of your names really is JEALOUS. So, why do you think that has an effect on your relationship?

You tell me? That's why you're here.

Do you not LIKE to be called Jealous?

I'll tell you. All of those petty lifeforms beneath someone like me will try to gaslight you by saying something is the opposite of what is.

Here's something that I trolled from the internet I created:

Jealousy is an ugly word. “It is the green-eyed monster,” said Shakespeare in Othello. It has overtones of selfishness, suspicion, and distrust, and implies a hideous resentment or hostility toward other people because they enjoy some advantage. It is possessive, demanding, and overbearing; and that is repulsive. It stifles freedom and individuality, it degrades and demeans, it breeds tension and discord, it destroys friendships and marriages. We view jealousy as a horrible trait and we hate it.

Thanks, God. That helps a bunch.

Don't mention it.

That quote confirms that Jealousy can destroy marriages. How do you feel about that?

What do you mean? It's not like I'M destroying my own marraige. Haven't you learned anything. It's not ME! It's THEM! Just like those pesky humans!

Well, I guess if you're having problems with gods who are your peers ---

THERE ARE NO GODS BEFORE ME!

Yes, Lord, sorry about that, just trying to be objective.

Well, I Object!

So, if you're having problems with Lesser Gods, then those pesky humans must really get under your skin - do you ---

Do I what?

Have skin?

…OK... so let's take this up from the human point of view. What really bothers you about them.

Well, for one thing, I gave them Free Will - for God's Sake! They should be greatful for that, but you know what they do?

What?

Whatever they want.

Isn't that the Nature of Free Will?

You ARE One of Them!

One of what? Like I said we're held to the standard of neutrality.

Sure... there's bunches like you where you're going...

God, can we focus on your problem with humans?

Number one: it's the abuse of Free Will. They should do what I tell them to.

Uh... huh...

Then THEY’RE the ones that are jealous! You talk about wanna-bes. Old Lucifer did a number on them. He, with his: "I Will Be as The Most High." I Showed him, and his union worker bitches.

But if your NAME is Jealous and you are a Jealous god, then why would you have a problem with humans being just like you - their creator?

You're really thick. I'm thinking about calling back and talking to another NARCHON staff member.

Forgive me, God, but I'm the only one here. Its a slow season for Narcissistic Gods so there were some big lay-offs.

If you say so... where were we?

You were saying how you despise humans emulating your Jealousy.

They're not LIKE Me. They're NOTHING LIKE ME! I'm the GOOD kind of Jealousy. They're the BAD kind.

I don't think you get it!

I'm taking notes, God.

I'm holy, just, loving, gracious, merciful, and long-suffering. You have no idea what they put me through. It's enough to make me want to commit suicide!

Oh my! that's a trigger to get you a referral to our Sister Call-In line on Self-Deicide. I would transfer you now, but that department has been down-sized and I'm taking all of those calls too.

So, how many calls do you get on gods so distraught that they just want to die?

Ummm... uhh... Yours would be the first.

.... well... I'm stuck...

With what?

I already wiped out the humans with a flood, then I went and did something stupid.

What's that?

I promised not to do it again. I've been toying with the idea of Comets for some time. I like the whole: Ice-moving-at-17,000 mph-turning-everything-to-Fire.

It is clear from your résumé online and in your Book that you do enjoy wiping out humans. I see that you used Fire in Sodom and Gonorrhea -

Gomorrah

Right... sorry... Typo - I'm correcting it.

So did I. Wiped them clean off the map. Fire AND Brimstone.

Things have changed over the millennia. Some might say that you were homophobic back then.

No. No I wasn't.

Oh?

I'm not afraid of them... I just HATE THEM.

I SEE!

What? Really?

Why yes, God, in the quality-time that we've spent together I can see how equitable and inclusive you are. You hate ALL of Humanity, so you don't pick on just one particular group!

FINALLY SOMEONE WHO 'GETS' ME! That took several millennia… Now we're getting somewhere. I'm glad the Old Lady made me call. It's refreshing to be understood after all of these eons.

In the interests of Neutrality and it's part of my job: How does that factor in with your Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Kill?

THEM! THEM!!! The Commandment is for THEM not me! I don't do anything wrong!

That, My Dear God, is a TEXTBOOK ANSWER!

It is?

Yes. We might call you the Primordeal Classic Narcissist!

Hmm. Kinda has a flair to it. Put that in my online resume.

It's clear you have a lot of issues, we could be here for a long time... for an eternity.

I'm not doing much...

Hey!

Yes Lord?

After work if you want to come over to my place, I've got the Hosts of Heaven singing my praise....