Lead Wig Van Beat Hoofin'

I won’t be able to find the piece that I was surprized to have discovered was written by the deaf dude that was the 13th child of a woman who had syphilis. I was listening to the classical music station (classical — not Lynerd Skynerd “classic” music) and heard a piece that I missed the announcement for. It was harmonically well-structured and when it was done the composer was said to be Beethoven. Sure he has some cool tunes but some of his stuff makes you furl your brow and a cartoon (?)mark appears over your head then fades like mist.

I tried to promise myself that I would keep this upbeat and just focus on the music, but my vitriolic bile is always on low boil so sometime it rises to the top like magma.

I was going to open with Moonlight Sonata as a way of asking the Musical Question of: What was he smoking?
But Karafree reminded me of this little anomaly For Eloise.
Who doesn’t know and like the tune?
That is…
Until he modulates to F major in a: wherethehelldidthatcomefrom kinda way that you will find in the SECOND performance of the 1810 score that starts at 3:38 min with the brain-bruising whiplash of the Monty Python and-now-for-something-completely-different B-section at 4:36 min. It just hurts.
The opening of the video with 1822 version was very well done and seemless in its transition to another key. So, it pains my brain pan to think that someone somwhere had the influence to inflict the goofy 1810 version on the world as a standard.

There is a huge difference in musicianship between what I call the Transcriptionists who look at black dots and play them like they are running a typewriter with all of the mechanical precision of a teletype printer, vs. someone like the fellow first featured who plays proper rhythm and with emotion and with a sense of harmonic integrity.

So, lettuce do the moonlit snottah:

I don’t mind if you skip and sample without listening suffering the entire way through the Barriatric Boim version. I’ve heard much worse - and it gives me the claustrophobic willies.

Barren Boyim is supposed to be well-known but is playing this like there was a closed-skull injury from a ball-peen hammer. Which part is the peen?

Honestly I was going to reject this drawing that I intended to put in for fun since a lot of people don’t know a lot of what I talk about…. because I saw the Peen spelt funny

I hope you don’t think it Cheeky of me that it was staring me in the Face and I got it into my Head that once I got a Handle on the Wedge that is in interpretation of music by the one who is fiddling with all of the little black dots so that whether the music ie recieved as good or bad is in the Eye of the belistener, although we could take a Poll to see just what folks things as we Hammer this out.

Butt, then, by the Grace of God, another image came before my eyes:

And I thought what if Pein is an alternate spelling???

A ball-peen or ball pein hammer, also known as a machinist's hammer, is a type of peening hammer used in metalworking. It has two heads, one flat and the other, called the peen, rounded. It is distinguished from a cross-peen hammer, diagonal-peen hammer, point-peen hammer, or chisel-peen hammer by having a hemispherical peen.

And the angels doth sang. And I was once again vidicated that Peen and Pein were both valid interpretations of the thing that you beat the shit out of sheet metal. Or, in some cases and some body shops you beat the sheet out of shit metal…

BUTT!!! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BALLPEN HAMMER, so we can call out the soulless, grooveless, transcriptionists of those little black dots who would be better off in a cubicle doing public accounting then trying to find the downbeat in a piece of music that is beyond them.

In my mind: below is what the Beet Man coulda-shoulda-woulda done if he were in this day and rage.

OK, this is the Third Movement Presto with a back-beat. The Barrenboim (I rote it rite and it still looks funnay) 3rd Movement might rouse you from your post-prandial stupor, but it doesn’t make you want to get up and dance, and head-bang like a Klingon like Dr. Viossy does.

What really sedated me like a horse-tranq was the Barremboim piano opening of the First Movement (was there even movement?) that we can now compare and contrast with what an internationally renown peinannist did compared to another interpretation of how it should be:

Were you listening to the music or looking at the woman with legs up to her earlobes?

When I block the cleavage — video! I meant video! — to just listen, the soaring sustained notes of the cello fill out what Beethoven might have meant in his head behind the pedestrian tedium of the arpeggio of the first movement. Hauser had perfect intonation which is another criteria of mine for all instruments. Rest assured, I’m even more critical of pop music.

If you’re not in the mood to geek out on why I felt that the piano version of Gaslight Snottah was so incredibly bad, then I will 2X you through what I think is a good video above.

1. Moonlight Sonata WASN’T EVEN IT’S FREAKIN’ NAME!
   I tole you I didn’t want to get all Jordanian and Conspiracy Theory and Negative in something about music (the Yewnaversul Langrage) but for Cripes Sake! It was named: Sonata quasi-uno Fantasia = a Sonata which is like a Fantasy.
   IS THERE ANYTHING REAL IN THIS SIM WHERE THEY DON’T CHANGE EVER STINKIN’ DETAIL?

2. The hand-written tempo notes for playing Moonlight Snottah Funtussy slower was TOTALLY SUBJECTIVE with NO reference to beats per minute as established by a metronome that was patented in 1815 but Beethoven only used tempo measurements 14 years after the Moon over Miami came out. The note for the tempo of the 1st movement read: Adagio sostonuto = Carried out Slowly. Ludwig may have had an Earwig for the first movement to be played TWICE AS FAST AS IT IS CURRENTLY!!!!

   Even if you are skipping the Geek Fest please jump to 5:59 min for what sounds and feels to me like HOW OLD Beet Red would have been banging out the keys!

   That’ll do it for this Voyage of Discovery, where I set out to beat up on Beethoven but ended up finding out that it is the Post Humus Knobs that messed up his work, NOT HIM! Olde Ludwig is exhonerated and like Bach who wrote in such a universal style that any instrument could sound good playing his tunes, I hope that you enjoyed the heavy metal, head-banging, back-beat version of Luddy’s tunes as well.

   Cheers